Are you wearing au deToilette' water? please try some of my cologne...I insist!!!

I've often been asked about the colognes I wear.Even getting asked why do I care so much, I say"Why NOT"!  Whether it's for business or casual we tend to judge when meeting people.As men sometime we miss the boat completely on personal hygiene. Although when meeting women we have unbelievable expectations, They give us the benefit of the doubt...but the Nose...Knows!!!  face cringing bad breath or body odor that's so criminal you should have a shoe thrown at your head!(like ole G.B.) rest assured they will let you know...rather quickly. Think about what happens when someone smelling incredible walk past you...your head pops up like a newborn baby in the crib.You embrace your inner Wolverine and track down that wonderful scent...Oh sh** that's what WOMEN do. Sad to say most men only put forth effort when it's forced on them. We love our cars though! or whatever 'new' gadget we can't live without.Do yourself a favor. stop rubbing the tube socks you pulled off last night on your clothes and around your neck.??? Security alert: Egyptian musk really stinks when it's over used and its not the ONLY scent out there.do your homework as you would do to find out when you can 'pre-order' Call of Duty 4 or5..HALE u get it!...MM

Those are NOT! her "hidden" treats are they?.....

Boy!!! have lost your"monkey a** mind!?!" you got into her secret stash of 'goodies' and to top it off... A. You confess to her you found it a while ago and you've been sneaking into it for a while...B. You let her walk around thinking she's lost HER mind because...C.You've been eating her treats and had the audacity!! NOT to even 'replace' what you stole( because you already know she's goin there!) alas there's...D. The whole confession is because she caught your 'narrow a**'  red handed hunched over in the corner chewing...NOT! because you felt guilty that you were sneaking into her 'snacks'...This is another lifestyle "NOT" for healthier living. That's it..that's your slip up. Once she catches' you stealing her snacks, she will go into full 'Operation Relocation'. That will be the last time you find her stash of snacks unless she purposely leave you a 'quibble' somewhere. Like a treat in your 'lunch box'.You're wondering who is the 'HER'... Start with your Grandmother and any woman in your life down to your lil sister or niece! Think of this way, she's smiling to herself because you 'stumbled' onto her secret stash...man, I'm lucky he didn't find my 'Top secret' stash. Oh yeah! about that fellas...they all have one...MM

I'm pretty sure public dancing may Not be your calling.. Mr.Disco

Why O'why does 'Mr.Goofy' or D**n fool show up whenever some of you get around lights, music and a...crowd? No alcohol needed!The smell of a crowd and "All of the Lights".... at your local Mall's Arcade/Tilt.Better yet, the Game Stop or Chuck E. Cheese you've tricked your kids or significant other into going with you. Then you scream your Xbox/PS3 gamer tag to let 'errbody' know what set(console)you claim.After a quick glance in your frightened kids eyes or mortified significant others eyes.Without hesitation you break into a host of shameless disco moves to include facial expressions. Some ISH! you made up in front of a mirror.Oh Lawd!cellphones on standby video.While you're out there Livin La Vida Lo ca...half the crowd is staring at you and the other half is looking at your kids/Significant others reactions. Yep! D**n fool has set you up for the okie doke. Please go sit down somewhere and stop threatening kids In the arcade, mall, Best buy or any other public arena over DANCE moves.I know how you feel,but this is the time to let a kid be a kid.Also you look very goofy and your kids are hiding and denying your existence....tighten up Baryshnikov..MM

Look! JAWS all those gold teeth are NOT in anymore and your breath stinks!

Let me start off by saying don't get pissed at the messenger,because everybody tend to get pissed at the messenger!(shhh..you know I don't care right?) Oral hygiene is emphasized when listening to women talk about turn offs( teeth&breath)... let that linger in the air..We'll get back to that.Gold teeth took on a life of their own a few years ago.Every other entertainer,part-time school teacher or aspiring pastor was wearing a grill..fast forward 3..5yrs later. Once again you got me on this one.Unless you can brush your real teeth and floss regularly..or daily for the 'gifted' ones. There is limited(no) oxygen to your teeth with a foreign object covering them and you are eating,drinking and smoking who knows!...Ah shh no wonder you just give random women money,"throw yo money in the air",and refuse to grow up...Your breath stink!...Sooo, you have to PAY people to remain around the 'goof' that pays for everything but a tic-tac. I see your plan now....yeah it stinks! Take that 'gobbage' out of your mouth and stop wreaking havoc, punishing hairdos and paint jobs. People are frowning or grimacing when you talk. ' pamper mouf'...it's simple,woman enjoy nice smelling breath(ask one) now get going... I may need to get a 5th grader to help you with this one...MM

You are NOT still making it rain!!! are you?

This should be savings 101 but here we go. I was out with a friend and he didn't have enough do something because he was cash strapped.I responded with a head nod and "I know how it is,especially in these times...I gotcha" Then he proceeded to tell me why. WHY did he tell me he's broke because he threw his money in the air at a strip club. WHAT! uhhh...when I see Football players getting told how to budget(lockout or not),The unemployment rate @ 10% across the nation and the housing market is still as ugly as ever, again I say Whaat? This is stupidity in it's purest form. Your brain needs to be donated immediately to Science and your a** needs to be kicked by River dancers.Some things require a smidgen of common sense. Please don't tell me what part of the U.S. you are from like that validates being ignorant...it don't! This is foolish in these times is what's amazing. Take that money and buy a clue, or help out somewhere Really...You just throw it in the air like it grows on trees? You should already know what's coming. The blank Mother stare until you leave eyesight...and NO! I don't have any extra money...HALE you might throw my money in the air, grow up.....MM