Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Because I was thinking about you....

Those times when I thought.."Mom I got it"(she allowed us kids call her San) "I can do it all by myself" and then my WHATHEFUKEVA! kicked in..I dunno if it's called stubbornness or 'being grown' at an early age but..."I CAN DO IT"! (of course she stepped aside.. As she never stood in the way of us kids being independent...not grown their is a difference). I wanna say at 4y.o. I was going on 25! AFTER many failed attempts, I looked back for her with defeat in my eyes. Not knowing what happened or where she WENT!!! Sannn.. I'm bombing here, the love your life?! She became 'The watcher' from a distance. Watching..observing..slightly chuckling..She then asked the 64,000 dollar question. "Are you quitting? or do you need help?"( the task was the task it didn't matter to her WHAT it was, so don't get hung up on that) Huh?..what kind of crazy question is that. Of course I quit if given the choice, the task was too hard. She repeated the question more succinct while starring into my eyes.."Are you giving up? or do you need help". Immediately my little mind was working to understand the choices. I knew I didn't want to disappoint my favorite girl..plus as a caveat she was the strongest person I'd ever known hands down, bar none, put A RING ON IT!( Now passed away, it still remains true of any person I've come across)..
Fast forward 40+ years of life hasn't changed much. Those initial questions are very relevant to my growth. My mind still race a thousand miles an hour when the choice of quitting or asking for help presents itself. I've also added another dimension thru the years. Are you really trying? or you just bullsh$tting? That part was given to me with 'no chaser' from my very own muse in life..'My Ole boy' Merle. He would enlighten me and Tony with STORIES! His own experiences were examples of bullsh$tting. He would say, "Chances are you'll probably still receive the help. But, you know the truth to that question don't you?" You start lieing or hurting the ones that will help you regardless. If that means nothing to you NOW..Trust me"life is a marathon..not a sprint". It has a way of shaping "all for you I might add" an Uncracked mirror of your decisions and placing them at your feet. Be careful, they may sting a bit when confronted. He gave that tidbit of info to his granddaughter lastly before he passed. They both challenged me not 2 just be the status quo. Expand/raise the status quo if possible..Which in turn I continue 2 challenge myself.This is just a post to say I love ya'll and Because I was thinking of you.. for my 2cents #youandthe6 did a bang up job(s/o #drake)..MM