Friday, January 21, 2011

# 1 Rule for Texting and Dating...Man up!

I'd like to say I thought of this all by myself but I cannot. A close friend of mine begged me to mention this.Yes, we are in the digital age and I do understand technology rules...BUT some things need to remain unchanged like chivalry!If you are dating,"kickin it" or going out...whatever popular term for being involved. I'm NOT talking to you.I'm talking to those LAZY guys who don't understand why they are still home alone... all alone with "Rosie palm" on the weekends.Why o'why are you sending TXT messages to the woman you are "trying" to go out with..huh?!? I had to scratch my head...let me chew on that.Ok ok I'm good now. "GIT" and I do mean "git" your lazy a** up and ASK  the girl out the ole fashion way. This is not up for debate.Stop it already! like you don't know(this isn't Idol) either go hard or go home.Stop being a CORNBALL....

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Coffee or...I'm lost?

Wait...wait...WAIT-AMINUTE! Closer... you need to hear this friend.I don't want to say this too loud, but err...umm you might wanna leave the super fruity fresh n tooty with WHIP! to your lady friends. If for some reason you just wanna go HAM!order an occasional macchiato/espresso/Teas and lattes are nice. KILL THE WHIPCREAM! as a matter of fact KILL THE WHIP on all the drinks.If all else fails, your ole grande won't let you down. Leave the whip for professional use...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Ebonics in the "Workplace"

Uhhmm yeah, can you say that again...In ENGLISH! Sorry, but this is suppose to hurt. The "gobbage"  stops here!There's a point when you want to be acknowledged and therefore treated as a man.Leave the 'special sauce,lettuce,cheese' between you and your friends.When speaking to ADULTS!!!!! in an adult setting or professional environment(this is an oldie but a goodie) less is more...and let's be real, once it (ebonics) make it into corporate america, the word or action becomes corny! And the person saying it is viewed as a 'cornball'.
We don't get jiggy,wit bling bling.(never did) No, every answer is not 4shizzle my nizzle..please please correct those who know not what they do.Aiight son!!!

I Double Dog(The Bounty Hunter?)dare you!?!?!

Let's get it straight. There was a saying when I was a "lil dude" growin up."Recognize a *****when you see'm in the street!Dog The Bounty Hunter is a G!...A Pimp, A Playa,A 5 STAR GENT... no seriously ,Not another man better dare! be caught....STRUTTIN....In broad daylight with a Blonde Mullett,an Illegally tight shirt UNBUTTONED!nahh HALE NAW! unbuttoned down to his navel and ALWAYS.... rockin the hottest frames.Last but not least "ALAWAYZ STRAPPED WHEN HE HIT THE CLUB".Duuuuuddee you da'MAN, It's your WORLD! NOT!!!FOR ANOTHER MAN TO ATTEMPT WITHOUT SERIOUS COUNSEL ....and that's all I have to say about thaaat...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Bathroom Etiquette

This a strange subject to address but it needs to be addressed all the same. The bathroom for me and most men that I've talked to for the most part has remained unchanged, and I have to say I like that! Less is definitely more in this case. Aside from the "bathroom Nazi" or the "spray pimp" with the cologne bottle inside the bathroom at your upscale club. The bathroom is a place of a small bit of quiet time. Maybe not for long, but it  may be all you have to get you thru that date,your kids tantrums or your significant other,just to catch your breath! What I'm finding is the alarming rate at which there is a NEED to hold a conversation while on the toilet on the phone!?! Are you kidding me! not hold on a second, let me call you back in ten minutes...NO? It's that important to talk about whats for dinner, or what club you wanna meet up at while you are taking a SH**! In a public bathroom. In private we all do what we do,but if you really want to get in-touch with your feminine're #1 with a bullet. This is the men's room gentlemen, if you walked into wrong one the "chatty cathy" i.e. WOMENS restroom is next door and we do accept your apology. If this is you...I got nothin but the blank mother stare!

Don't be afraid to Accessorizze!

How to accessorize is up to you the consumer, but be aware that you may add taste or deliberately sabotage your own outfit! Again this a topic where less is more.
1. Jewelry: Yeah, let's get into it. This the era of BLING, and everyone either has a lil bit of it or want some(even our pets). You want to at least LOOK believeable to the untrained eye.If you are not in Athlete/entertainer money territory, why walk around with cubic zirconias,moissonite, or glass the size of KNUCKLES... I mean really,I guess that's what hot in the streets right now?!? NOT!
2.Hats: I LOVE'EM simply put. Apparently so does America. Theres a million places to find a nice "brim". Internet, consignment shops and plenty of stores. I'm a firm believer you can never have too many, but you really don't need to wear one everyday. Just when you want to drive that point home or a bad haircut/hairday. There are a lot of accessories to consider so try it!


You're going to be a professional at some point in your life face it. So, this a no brainer of sorts but still needs to be addressed. NO polish of any sorts! Au natural is good enough along with your own natural oils are plenty and buff...

The Beiber/Brady

I love this hairstyle for teens or Abercrombie and Fitch models that are actively working. If you're in college(under 25) you can also wear this hairstyle... Stop! After that you have to get a bit more serious about your look. Brady(Tom) has an exception to this rule Only:
a. He has a Super Model wife that dresses him and approves of his look before he steps out.
b. She's a Super Model....c. He married a Super Model! so he gets a pass for his fashion faux paus removed from his record and collect 200.00(until divorce/death).Everyone else in their mid-twenties and do not fit into any of the before mentioned categories.GET A HAIRCUT!You look like some "old dude wearing a "SMEDIUM" t-shirt, trying to teach me how to  Dougie!!!!with Crows feet when you smile..hell a Crows nest.C'MON MAN! tighten up....


Aww sooki sooki now! Braids and male pattern Baldness is an oxymoron... at best! I tend to view these people as working with 1/2 a deck,so I use 1/2 the word oxy-MORON to explain them(that's just me though).For those who don't know what male pattern baldness is, hopefully you don't have braids. If your hairline is in remission, on detention or reversed coordinates, thats a GREAT indication it's time to let it go playboy...time to lean back.One more thing Grey braids on a man is repugnant..."on on to the next"'.

Socks and Sandals

I too have ashy feet...I do not have the most attractive feet...Ok now thats out of the way let's get started.  This look is really only accepted with athletic wear...noticed I stopped! There's not a lot of debate about wearing flip-flops and socks occasionally, but sandals and socks anywhere is clownish. If you're looking to make a statement why yessir you look like a clown. Don't be him



I understand fashion and trends as well as most. I can't for the life of me watch a grown man with jeans on so tight that women ask you how you did it, "The standing,pulling and jumping method" or "The lying flat on your back while tugging belt loops, and a hanger pulling the zipper up so you can button method".Suffice it to say they ARE as curious as every male you pass.This is another no-brainer, at some point you've passed the aged of recklessness.If you start smelling something roasting or boiling it's probably your lil' "buddies" all you need is zzzatarans!  

Eyebrow Maintenance


No Unibrows period! No unruly or thick cartoonish brows that you would find on a puppet. I've started to see a disturbing trend , unless you are some sort of performer..i.e..stage, model or lead singer in a 90's Rock band...NO eyeliner,fake eyelashes,fake moles and absolutely NO sculpting or threading. If you are competing with your lady or ANY woman for best looking eyebrows....cuzz you mite want to relax a bit

Jewelry and Suits

I really can't remember where it all went wrong. Yes, we are all individuals with personal style, but this has become an epidemic. I too am a child of Hip-Hop so I can only go back so far. I first started recognizing this trend of wearing a nice suit then drape a gaudy necklace or necklaces in general over the top of an aesthetically eye catching suit. Now it becomes tacky! You can wear your jewelry everyday. Most of us don't wear a suit daily, so the few times a year that you put one on save the necklaces. A. you look like a pimp...B. A tacky pimp at best,grow up! If you should happen to put one on at least know or yeah I'm going to say it LEARN how to wear one.

Tat..Tat...Tatted UP!

You put a tattoo where? Tattoos are very special to me. I think I'm like most people and put a little time and effort in finding something to etch into my skin. I truely enjoy the beautiful artwork,Ideas and religious creations that go into them. This isn't about the love of tattoos though, this about the where? Your body is a canvas of empty places,so why your face? Unless you are writing(not planning on it) but right now writing your own checks, at some point in your life you will probably work for someone else other than your MOTHER! As you know we all have faces our own mother could love. Brace yourself I know you stumbled and spilled your Caramel Macchiato(mak-i-ato) but a tattoo on your face in this economy is vitually career suicide. Yesss, I know you wanna show your inner "gangsta" trust and believe these are soon becoming regrettable decisions as you enter Manhood! Scary as he** for some of you but thats the name of the 1st and Millennium Men hopefully. Entertainers are just that entertainers! It may be here today and gone by next photo shoot. They have the money and resources at their disposal, so next time you want to "Rep your cityyy" that's great....just not on your face>>

The Shake Weight

I mean really? Stop playn, you're serious? I have no clue as to why a grown a** man needs help pleasuring himself in the presence of other men for the sake of getting "guns of steel",then call it working out!?! Oh I get it, in the commercial you see the actor with both his hands on the weight, instead of one of your arms getting unusually ripped. This is simple guys, In the era of must see t.v. and big brother always watchin, this is an item that should be left behind closed doors AT HOME. I'm all for working out and having the "gun show" on display. With that said everything does not need to be on full display i.e..masturbating...excuse me shaking the weight in your face. I'm not going to say NO to this one but I am going to adamantly suggest not in public. Please keep this obvious attempt to promote a youtube video goin viral and YOU being the target. If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything, ever heard of that? Unless you are getting paid to endorse like an athlete, use your head for more than something to put the newest "fitted" baseball cap on.

Lip service and a side of Pearly Whites!

Ahhh Lips,truely one of lifes' most beautiful gifts. Some skinny, some FULL and even FLUFFY . We lick them excessively and obviously lick them to draw attention to ourselves.Trying to look suave and debonair for the l-a-d-i-e-s! but we don't always take care of our "soup coolers". I'm sooo tired of the opposite sex stopping me or commenting on the nice looking guy with teeth like a jackal... lips that shouldn't be seen in public, let alone kissing anyone ANYWHERE! SPOILER ALERT...super wet lips, Churches chicken lips or whatever you are using to make your lips extra shiny is a NO GO! plain and simple... you look suspect.Ok, now having chapped bottle openers aren't the trick either. Sad to say you have to find a happy medium between extra crispy and spicy.If you smoke carry chapstick, anything there's  no excuse.Alas not all of us have money for veneers or cosmetic dental surgery,but if you are considering yourself a GROWN A** Man you may want to take note. If you've been out of school(middle,high or college) at least 10yrs and have been successfully working the whole time and managed to attain a few cars,rims  and jewelry while living at your girlfriends or in your moms' basement.FIX YO GRILL...don't you go another day with your mouth looking like you been biting bricks!Prioritize, it's time to step your game up a 'smidge'! Buying all those shiny baubles for girlfriends that you possibly won't have in your 30's.Do something for yourself that may last you a lifetime.Just covering them up with gold and jewels will only make it worse. SORRY!



 Wow!! did he really just go there?...We are in a recession right? I mean.... don't we have enough to talk about with jobs and economy in the crapper?!? Why yes, yes we do, but I digress.... why have a Christmas wreath of hair growing along the sides of your head like a half eaten sausage... with an airstrip down the center WHAT! Especially in todays society where BALD is beautiful. Even if you didn't choose to go the bald rout, there are still a few hair restoration places that seem to do great work. In any event!!! keep it buzzed low! It will give you a little edge, not so Ron Howard(Opie from happy days). Instead of letting it get you down attack it! You don't want to be the one with a "fresh" haircut and a hairline backed up like traffic....smilin! cheesin! all 32's glowin and stop combing that wispy two or three pieces over that bald spot like its going to make a difference,it's stillll there, now worse.It's nothing wrong with gravity taken over at some point, but by alll means with STYLE AND GRACE..

Who are you kidding...MAN?

The reason why I posed this topic as a question is simple. Theres another ongoing trend that I've seen, read and heard that needs a response. Other than manicure I don't see the need to add/replace a word with "man"to make it sound or feel masculine. This a case for the new/old catch phrase "It is...What it is". Sandals are just that, not Mandals. Eyeliner(don't ask, once again I got nothin) is just that, not Man-liner! A purse is a Murse? Whaaat?!? Just stop it already with the name calling. If you aren't comfortable enough to be doing whatever you're doing without changing the name, so IT and ultimately YOU can be accepted, then you shouldn't be doin it. My question is what has changed in the last 50yrs that we have to start renaming items in the Millennium? One would think the narrow mindedness of years past would have gave way to the broad scope of future progressions. Such is life, the answer to that question... resounding NO! The fact we are technologically advanced and put people on the moon(supposedly). I constantly see advertisements for Real men wear pink. The fact that we've progressed in some areas but still have to validate being manly enough to wear a color! Listen we're in the Millennium and you are a man period. If you need your passport stamped for approval, let someone know. Otherwise a purse is still a purse, and eyeliner is definitely still eyeliner, Sad to say people are still people...and they do judge, so MAN UP!

Saggin' Jeans

I too enjoy a slight sag in my jeans from time to time depending on the jeans"caution" if this offends you, I'm not talking to you. I'm referring to grown a** men that view themselves as such(at the very least out of puberty). If you are out of your teens saggin' "skinnies" with your STANK butt fully exposed...uhhh not cute,fine or whatever phrase you want to use.This comes directly from the opposite sex(women) so please, don't shoot the messenger.Sorry the truth hurts, but you look like you s*** on yourself.