Saturday, December 10, 2011

Why so serious...loosen up,laugh crack a smile."check your cool" at the door.

Duhh? you're out on a date. what's up with icy demeanor. I try to understand why you would agree to put yourself through an uncomfortable situation. Especially if the whole time you're stacking the deck against all that dares enter a 1on1 conversation.I'm sorry 'why so serious'? No one is having fun including you?When was it all about applying for a position and credit checks?I thought chemistry and laughing at cornyazz jokes was something you could build on.The fun is out of dating today.You may date some 'loons' before you find someone that really "get you" and vice versa, but THAT'S the adventure! I'm not always right by no means.What I am though is trusting in my ability to learn from prior experiences and not to ignore my gut.Lighten up..let someone know who you are..not just what you do for a living.Also look at yourself alone in a mirror and ask yourself "Am I interesting"? It's a valid question.You may need to work on you!Everyone in the right light or given the right libation is sexy,handsome or fine.Pay attention to the STOP signs. Ultimately this is suppose to be fun..do something to put him/her at ease, check your cool at the door...being 'too cool' or having an icy exterior is rude and self involved. No one should have to impress another human being for worthiness of a date?..sorry someone is "pi**ing on your head and telling you it's raining" because you are NOT that important,But! you may still be wondering why you 're still alone.....MM

Monday, November 28, 2011

Hey ladies!! If you want to impress him "sports challenge".

I want to let you ladies know something. Point blank! men enjoy women or at the very least their own woman to express a lil' interest or give a da*n about the sports they're into.Not a whole lot of interest but when your guy yells "TOUCHDOWN" he's referring to the football play. Not! the run along the sidelines to the cheerleader girlfriend to hand her the football...although...

Thursday, November 17, 2011

News flash!! men what's the #1 thing she MUST have.. It's a "deal breaker" I hear...READ ON

Sorry boooys..(in my Pacino "Scent of A Woman" voice.."huuahh") for some of us this may still amaze but I've put some 'great' minds on this. I went as far as flipping through some of these corny ass reality shows to get a pulse on women..let's just say..Ehh!!After watching a few I'd seen enough. I came up with the answer that plague most of us 'knuckledheaded' men.Time..and not the garden variety "garbage time," after you've stop playing your game system or golfing.Nah, keep that!Not the time after you've been hangin' with your friends nope! that won't work either. The stare is penetrating your skull and burning your face off at this point. She may be tempted to utter the words 'ni**a please! and you may be as pale as Mrs.Kidman and speak french. The point is she needs...hold on... that didn't quite come out right. She requires Quality time...period.It really is as simple as that. The times has changed nothing. There are matchmakers(2nd/3rd generation I lose track) and online dating services that do great!Keep up the good work. All of those services teach the uninformed habits on dating, courting,and slowing d-o-w-n. Spend quality time, to learn her real name. This a slippery slope for any male species...just do the best you can without getting The stare aimed in your vicinity..you know the rest...MM

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Gentleman gentleman haven't you learned yet... it's the little things!!!!

I'm sure the world has not lost it's moral compass when it comes to 'courting'. I know I know, given the language of today I'm risking a high probability of getting unfollowed,unliked and even UNFRIENDED!!!ph*ck it,I'm daring..shoot me..I want to start out by saying "I would love to make it rain"...as a matter 'o fact I'm not picky I'll take precipitation with a strong chance of showers!That being said...I'm telling a 'lie'.. no matter how cool it sounds...it's corny and stupid(you get the 2 for 1 special) nope I refuse to say why. That would mean me assuming you're a dumb ass in 2000 anything!!! Just throwing away money because you brought to much with you.(another time, another place and I will get into it)I will say this s-l-o-w gents."It's the little things that count". never forget the little things fellas.MM

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Reality relationships are #NOT! what the the doctor ordered

I've watched in silence the continued downward spiral of 'reality t.v. relationships'. I'm sorry but this new age speed dating and reality t.v. marriage is an all out assault on American...'damn that' WORLD!! intelligence.Honestly, if you've ever been in any type of relationship you well know a camera..

Thursday, October 27, 2011

What did you say about my mama? Your hairline is backed up like rush hour traffic..It's all trash talk! get over it..

I was a true believer of "sticks and stones may break my bones" growing up, but not so much for the "words will never hurt me"part...until exhibit A. school(elementary,middle and high) We called it jonin, snappin' or 'gettin heated up. Then exhibit B. sports! any type(to include 'tether ball' at recess)...

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Why wearing Mom jeans are the worse advice since ...shakin' your...?

Where should I start with this one. How about since the creation of FABRIC! Yeah that's right, nooo I'm not kidding. Pause!!..That look you have on your face at this very second is priceless,because it's either"I can't believe he just said that" or "Duhhh!! everyone knows that"..

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How's life treating you... "beadie bead?"

I was just wondering? when is it safe to say "take those beads out of your head...RIGHT NOW!?"Somethings we understand and then....

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Are those jeans NEW!?! ladies do NOT let that compliment fall on deaf ears...This 1 time

hellooo ladies the 'Rocket Scientist' here. You must listen to me on this.I've taken numerous studies and have attended 40acres and a mules worth of gatherings to say without a doubt..

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What's the rush...Not! so fast out of the bathroom Sir Lancelot... brush your teeth, wash your face..SOMETHING!!!

To primp or NOT.( no Jim Rome here) but yes I'm burnin'! The whole minimalist movement is definitely in full effect. I try to abide by the rule of thumb when applying colognes and the infamous t.m.i.(too much info). Less is always a good motto to follow in this circumstance. With everything in fast forward these days it's hard not to be in a rush..instant messaging or twitter.Whatever the situation is we want it now or in a hurry to do it now. That's cool... but, wassup' up with the break neck speed in which you dart out of the bathroom in the morning.The 'no look pass' by the Scope/Listerine.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I'm tired of this SH*! listen up My Pretties... kill the LIST!!!!!

I will preference this statement by saying Yes! I've watched and learned from the old guy in the Dos Equis commercials...With that said I'm not an overly rotund Buddha or Monk with telekinesis. Also, I never took Quantum Physics and barely raised my daughter without losing all of my hair(lost the battle of the hairline though).All of that is to say "I don't know everything about all things",But,(there's always a but) I do know a "lil sumthn sumthn".The something that I know need to be SHOUTED!!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

XXXtra.. XXXtra..READ ALL ABOUT IT! The #1 thing you MUST NOT allow her to do..without you?

I've often wondered aloud when I see people together 'assuming' they're a couple (maybe)partners,BFF's,or just kickn' it...

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Thanks for SPANX...but no public "SPANXING" for you sir, go to the GYM!

Hey guys this may come across as a surprise.Especially with all the new products catered to slimming down and staying in shape.I love Spanx...HALE! who don't??Anything that empowers women to keep the 'hotness' factor at 10."I don't see nothin' wrooong"( in my R.Kelly voice) with a little bit of sexy s-e-x-y! Unfortunately the buck stops there...

Monday, August 15, 2011

SUPER skinny jeans!!! for MEN you say?...hmm.. I need to...I just need to..

Wait a cotton pickin' minute! I'm all about fashion moving forward (especially) for us men, but we have to draw the line SOMEWHERE! There are 4 words that should NEVER be mentioned together in a sentence...super skinny jeans...& MEN!!!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Always splash before you dash! ALWAYS..

The Refresh:Think of it as the only way to go.Women rarely leave home without attempting to put on some sort of make-up. That's how important you should feel 'smell good'...cologne...is to a Millennium man(shh..we're in the millennium homie!) You should always want to smell good even if you're not the most 'attractive guy'. I'd like to think I'm a nice looking guy...so what if it's only in my "Field of Dreams" What will it hurt?..no,I mean really? Why not be a nice looking guy that smells great or A great looking guy that smells nice..

Friday, July 22, 2011

You are a Grown man,no means NO! to double dates

I've often wondered what's the big 'whoop' with double dating.Two 'supposedly' adult men that are so inept at carrying on a full blown conversation with dinner,movie and all the "fixin's".Agree to take 2 lovely women out...together??

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Boardshorts Mr.man... 'banana hammocks' are Off Limits to Men of a certain age'

I'm sure most of you have seen the hit comedy Couples Retreat.We also chuckle at the commercial w/2guys in (what I consider to be a 'napkin holder') ONE playing 'bongo's' on his A** screaming "Aye... we're brothers!" not to be out done"holy tight squeeze BATMAN!"..

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Not so fast with the middle finger of "Appreciation"...it could land you in JAIL!

There are those moments when I'm forced...almost moved to ask Seriously...I mean...SERIOUSLY?I would take the time to stand on my soapbox and say something about our youth... blah blah blah, but this time NO! It's a grown a** man I'm referring to. When you act like a child expect to be disciplined so you won't make the same mistake twice.What's confusing is the fact that no one is being held accountable for their actions without 'poor poor' such and such... Really! After you become an adult(legal and able to support yourself) OWN IT! sorry and oops! just won't cut it all the time.common sense has to kick in at some point. Flipping off someone obviously has no bounds...or does it?Watching a grown man flip someone off in court trying to be funny or better yet a viral youtube sensation wasn't cool but! and there's always a but, it was funny to watch the judge make a spectacle out of the grown a** man for all to see. Long story short 6DAYS! in jail to think about where your 'carefully constructed plan' went wrong.Let's just say the Jackass thing has been over done. I guess that's 'HOT in the streetz' right now... act,dress, and talk like a teenager. Avoid being a man at all cost, run from responsibility and whine when you have to be some sort of 'role model' simply put...grow your a** up..'wedgies and faux hawks' get old after awhile. How old will you be before you learn that? Take all the time you need...caution*You may need bail money in the future...Oh yeah I almost forgot..Thank you Judge Belvin! MM

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Are you wearing au deToilette' water? please try some of my cologne...I insist!!!

I've often been asked about the colognes I wear.Even getting asked why do I care so much, I say"Why NOT"!  Whether it's for business or casual we tend to judge when meeting people.As men sometime we miss the boat completely on personal hygiene. Although when meeting women we have unbelievable expectations, They give us the benefit of the doubt...but the Nose...Knows!!!  face cringing bad breath or body odor that's so criminal you should have a shoe thrown at your head!(like ole G.B.) rest assured they will let you know...rather quickly. Think about what happens when someone smelling incredible walk past you...your head pops up like a newborn baby in the crib.You embrace your inner Wolverine and track down that wonderful scent...Oh sh** that's what WOMEN do. Sad to say most men only put forth effort when it's forced on them. We love our cars though! or whatever 'new' gadget we can't live without.Do yourself a favor. stop rubbing the tube socks you pulled off last night on your clothes and around your neck.??? Security alert: Egyptian musk really stinks when it's over used and its not the ONLY scent out there.do your homework as you would do to find out when you can 'pre-order' Call of Duty 4 or5..HALE u get it!...MM

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Those are NOT! her "hidden" treats are they?.....

Boy!!! have lost your"monkey a** mind!?!" you got into her secret stash of 'goodies' and to top it off... A. You confess to her you found it a while ago and you've been sneaking into it for a while...B. You let her walk around thinking she's lost HER mind because...C.You've been eating her treats and had the audacity!! NOT to even 'replace' what you stole( because you already know she's goin there!) alas there's...D. The whole confession is because she caught your 'narrow a**'  red handed hunched over in the corner chewing...NOT! because you felt guilty that you were sneaking into her 'snacks'...This is another lifestyle "NOT" for healthier living. That's it..that's your slip up. Once she catches' you stealing her snacks, she will go into full 'Operation Relocation'. That will be the last time you find her stash of snacks unless she purposely leave you a 'quibble' somewhere. Like a treat in your 'lunch box'.You're wondering who is the 'HER'... Start with your Grandmother and any woman in your life down to your lil sister or niece! Think of this way, she's smiling to herself because you 'stumbled' onto her secret stash...man, I'm lucky he didn't find my 'Top secret' stash. Oh yeah! about that fellas...they all have one...MM

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I'm pretty sure public dancing may Not be your calling.. Mr.Disco

Why O'why does 'Mr.Goofy' or D**n fool show up whenever some of you get around lights, music and a...crowd? No alcohol needed!The smell of a crowd and "All of the Lights".... at your local Mall's Arcade/Tilt.Better yet, the Game Stop or Chuck E. Cheese you've tricked your kids or significant other into going with you. Then you scream your Xbox/PS3 gamer tag to let 'errbody' know what set(console)you claim.After a quick glance in your frightened kids eyes or mortified significant others eyes.Without hesitation you break into a host of shameless disco moves to include facial expressions. Some ISH! you made up in front of a mirror.Oh Lawd!cellphones on standby video.While you're out there Livin La Vida Lo ca...half the crowd is staring at you and the other half is looking at your kids/Significant others reactions. Yep! D**n fool has set you up for the okie doke. Please go sit down somewhere and stop threatening kids In the arcade, mall, Best buy or any other public arena over DANCE moves.I know how you feel,but this is the time to let a kid be a kid.Also you look very goofy and your kids are hiding and denying your existence....tighten up Baryshnikov..MM

Friday, June 3, 2011

Look! JAWS all those gold teeth are NOT in anymore and your breath stinks!

Let me start off by saying don't get pissed at the messenger,because everybody tend to get pissed at the messenger!(shhh..you know I don't care right?) Oral hygiene is emphasized when listening to women talk about turn offs( teeth&breath)... let that linger in the air..We'll get back to that.Gold teeth took on a life of their own a few years ago.Every other entertainer,part-time school teacher or aspiring pastor was wearing a grill..fast forward 3..5yrs later. Once again you got me on this one.Unless you can brush your real teeth and floss regularly..or daily for the 'gifted' ones. There is limited(no) oxygen to your teeth with a foreign object covering them and you are eating,drinking and smoking who knows!...Ah shh no wonder you just give random women money,"throw yo money in the air",and refuse to grow up...Your breath stink!...Sooo, you have to PAY people to remain around the 'goof' that pays for everything but a tic-tac. I see your plan now....yeah it stinks! Take that 'gobbage' out of your mouth and stop wreaking havoc, punishing hairdos and paint jobs. People are frowning or grimacing when you talk. ' pamper mouf'...it's simple,woman enjoy nice smelling breath(ask one) now get going... I may need to get a 5th grader to help you with this one...MM

Thursday, June 2, 2011

You are NOT still making it rain!!! are you?

This should be savings 101 but here we go. I was out with a friend and he didn't have enough do something because he was cash strapped.I responded with a head nod and "I know how it is,especially in these times...I gotcha" Then he proceeded to tell me why. WHY did he tell me he's broke because he threw his money in the air at a strip club. WHAT! uhhh...when I see Football players getting told how to budget(lockout or not),The unemployment rate @ 10% across the nation and the housing market is still as ugly as ever, again I say Whaat? This is stupidity in it's purest form. Your brain needs to be donated immediately to Science and your a** needs to be kicked by River dancers.Some things require a smidgen of common sense. Please don't tell me what part of the U.S. you are from like that validates being ignorant...it don't! This is foolish in these times is what's amazing. Take that money and buy a clue, or help out somewhere Really...You just throw it in the air like it grows on trees? You should already know what's coming. The blank Mother stare until you leave eyesight...and NO! I don't have any extra money...HALE you might throw my money in the air, grow up.....MM

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

You can't be serious?!? Not with that shaved into your head?..whaaa...?

We've all seen the innovative hairstyles out there, and like myself have tried a couple. The gumby and the shag/mullet were the ISH! when I was growing up. The curl changed all of that though...the Mullet.. well I'm going to leave that alone because it's been around alot longer than I have and yes..it has a cult-like following( we need not understand why..?).What I am addressing is shaving your website,announcing your 'newest' baby name or any other ridiculous Artest/Rodman-esque idea after a night of 420/Absinthe infused partying. You look as 'stooopid' as you think you do when you ask that question...They just don't want to hurt your feelings...sigh..such is life.GROW UP most of you have jobs(nice ones)! you need to stop being selfish, yeah I said selfish. Example: With your head like that you may have that I don't give a f*** attitude, but everyone that you recognize as a friend or family constantly get asked Why are you his friend? Are you his friend?Wow! or Is he 'touched' in the head,does he eat dirt chew bricks or lick windows? You will answer no! And they will give you the I'm glad you're not My friend stare. Now you feel like shh, because yo boy wants to look like a 35y.o. lucky charm...Just stop it,...MM

Monday, May 16, 2011

It's about time to move forward on the Sunglasses indoors! On to another trend

One year has ended and the summer of another is here. As the years flip so do the trends.Some of us need help knowing when one ends and a different one begins...that's understandable.That's what the NOT list is all about.Crime black sunglasses INDOORS! should be on its way to the back burner.Similar to Throwback jersey's,extra long white tees and braids with errthang!" NOT" trying to offend, but if you're a Grown man, you need to hear this: If no one knows you outside of your Facebook and twitter followers or you have to explain who YOU are and WHAT you do... sorry playboy(it's all in your mind) you're not who you think you are. Let's be real, Celebrities(real not reality) have a different set of rules they don't count, also when in Rome do what the Romans do(i.e. if you're with Cash Money... etc..etc.. that's a perk! otherwise chill out and let the trend die.Don't be that guy! Cut it out..MM

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

REALLY! #bullying a Nerd?"NOT" cool! they may become McDreamy....

 I grew up wondering why 'nerds' were so disliked. Was it because they were a little bit different than the "crowd"? or were they different thinkers.Sad...because if you think about it, virtually all (if not all) of  comedy comes from nerds at some point.If you pay attention, alot of your former nerds are Eye Candy,A-list actors and platinum selling artist .I asked women what's the deal! with NERDS! A slew of answers came up, but the ones that struck a cord were that Once the initial attraction has worn off and even the bedroom was over...They can hold an intelligent conversation(grunting doesn't count) they make them laugh, and not afraid to laugh at themselves(not too serious) also when she has nothing else to talk about at that moment(go figure)she can ask him about that techno 'thingy' or what happened to light once you turn off the switch...Presto! you can finish your make-up,start dinner,scold the kids and check your text messages and you know what? He's carrying the WHOLE conversation and all you have to say is "ohh okay"or "that's nice to know" or maybe "I didn't know that". Funny how dressing like a nerd is at the forefront of fashion right now. Blink once and you'll find another A-list actor reformed nerd with a beauty with moxy(what a Bad Boy) or they might have created(or something like that) a way to Socially network...In any case if you need to refer to anyone just ask your friendly neighborhood..Pres.. he's cool as fan, NOW! but you can tell.....MM

Friday, May 6, 2011

You canNOT still! be wearing your clothes like that...

I'm really tired of seeing,smelling,cringing or hearing about.every grown a** man, mogul,athlete, thug....did I leave anyone out....homo sapien(google it) over the age of 30! ( okay,with the drug epidemic in the 80's some are slow learners) without ONE pair of pants/shorts that fit without holding them, huh? The headscratcher is some are Multimillionaires!You have a problem telling them from their own kids. In public they wear the same clothes and goofy hairstyles as there kids, sooo are they really smarter than 5th graders?Listen up it's kind of simple,when you take yourself serious,you become serious about what you do and how you present yourself. DING! snowball effect: people start taking YOU serious. Yes you are grown and pay your own bills and if that keeps you afloat so be it. Continue being a Schlep Roc spreading money around instead of intelligence.' Errbody love it' while you're in their face, but once you walk away...yeah they say it, even your family...Is he EVER gonna grow up? He's STILL dressing like that, maybe a lil PRACTICE won't hurt. try it, you may like the new response. I'm just saying...MM 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Absolutely NOT! no sir, you may not wear that with...THAT?

Up to this point we have been enjoying sports and it's been pleasant to say the least. Outside of the seriousness of a few players in every sport engaging in some less than savory words/actions there's not a whole lot to complain about.UNTIL... I witnessed a character of sorts remove his blazer to reveal him wearing a short sleeve button down shirt, PROUD! Taco meat like chest hair peeking through...what? The guy is well known and respected annnd when he goes to the bank, yes Mr. is on his check,But that's neither here or there, ask somebody GEEZ! Ignorance or stubbornness in this situation is ok if you're cool being the buffoonall the time. Less is more and in this case keep your jacket on, Don't remove it and remove all doubt of whom they are talking to...OR keep your jacket on,ask your 'friends,gal pals,stylist whatever. take a smidgen of pride in the way you present yourself, Sorry it had to be said..."I may be wrong, but I doubt it" . MM

Monday, April 18, 2011

The "air YOU breathe..Into ONE LINERS" will be your last breath!

Hey fellas don't you love all the funny GUY movies coming out, that's not dealing with traveling pants or women just shopping, having dinner parties and charities events because the day happen to be TUESDAY. I do too...OK soapbox time, What's with the corny a** pick-up Lines? Are you kidding me?... Who doesn't love a lil classic and retro anything from time to time, but Pick-up lines! Seriously who told you that 'gobbage' really works'.The other cornball (your boy)that told you it worked on a MUTE " This one time in band camp".The 70's and 80's were supreme for pick-up lines, not saying you were Don Juan or anything but at least it was funny. Fast forward, other than a movie, YOUTUBE or phone app in this day and age...PLAYA you need to do your homework. All you will get now is a 'you smell BAD' look! Followed by a Zumba dance move to the a**crack! It's all fun and games til someone is walking with a noticeable hitch in there Giddy-up. Don't be hard headed on this one, do "NOT" attempt this, but there is a Jackass Trilogy out there sooooo at least where a cup! 

Monday, April 11, 2011

Ohhh, so you got jokes?

This topic will do more for your self image than you know,so listen up to advice you will always be aware of. Women do NOT play fair with what is called "Jonin" in the upper crust of Americas best bodegos' and urban hang suites(all churches,country clubs and fundraiser events included) All and I do mean all gloves are off when women remotely feel like they are getting bested or razzed in a certain area or "errrbody" is laughing, AT THEM!Here comes the personals,If there is any indication of what she would say...put it this way, if she has general knowledge (not even 1st hand) of anything enormously embarrassing about you. Those infamous words should be ringing in your ear. "You know you F**ked up right?" She's about to put you on BLAST! hell Wi-fi..rude boy with the tramp stamp and navel piercing,sooo I hope you have a good sense of humor...I'm just sayin....MM

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Let Women handle WOMEN "misunderstanding's"...do"NOT" get involved...Men!

The rash of reality shows and all access shows.Seem to have every time slot filled to devour the day.So much so that you catch yourself watching SOMETHING...and I've noticed men stupidly interjecting themselves in the middle...Wow! that's 101 of becoming a MAN or if you don't know, listen and learn. Rule 1. the Only rule...NEVER! be dumb enough to allow yourself to be talked into,coerced,YOUR OPINION HELPS, and lastly...suggested advice: never forced or I told you so. You will live longer and keep everyone from hating you. Just as the old saying goes "let a man be a man",well the same goes for women..let them work thru it without YOUR input. You won't understand it, you will  try to make logic out of it and...nothing...space....emptiness, they have you floating off in la la land while they've made up...had drinks and talking about your clown A** for CALLIN' yourself helping and adding your 2cents! Who asked you again? exactly, I know she did, but in that moment when the girls are girls AGAIN! your opinion was nothing but rants and gibberish of a man anyway....

Thursday, March 17, 2011

To B.(lond) or not to B.(lond)...Yes! that's the question

Once in a Blue moon some guy hangs his "nads" in the wind for a free for all bashing.Sad to say that alot of times they do it with the advice of supposed friends or YES men! That being said I couldn't in good faith make a comment about MEN with a "beiber" hairstyle(nice "New" cut by the way) and not say anything about Blond Ambition!! Yes blonde's have a lot of fun I'm sure...but that's WOMEN! Listen to these words of caution***If you consider yourself a heterosexual male and you are looking to make a statement.. change the cologne you wear, shave or grow a goatee. DO NOT dye your hair blond or silver(look up Sisqo). Cheesy is the first thing to come to mind. Your 'boyz' that cosigned it(told you it was cool)..YOU'RE FIRED! STEP...HIT THE BRICKS,whatever just get them out of your circle or at the very least stop taking advice from Rocket Scientist. If not, YOU not them will once again appear on the 'NOT' List....look at me now.  

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Stop your Whinning!

At an alarming rate one of the 10. Man Commandments is being eliminated before our very eyes. The one that states, GROWN MEN aren't suppose to whine! geez! like NEVER..a good healthy cry is always needed and acknowledged. If you're sad or disappointed you pout or put on the frowny face from time to time(CAUTION* prone to overuse...watch it).Grumpy is even tolerated as waking up on the wrong side of the bed or "someone pi***ng in your cereal",but lets get this straight..there is never a good time,place or moment to WHINE! If by chance you are this person consult your local mirror and give yourself a firm A** chewing and post coital talk(look it up),thennnn...pass go... collect 200.00 and Man UP...after high school you start laying the ground work to becoming a man and whinning is the first thing you DITCH!...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Buy a Motorcycle...NOT! a motorbike

Okay okay, you got me...most men have daydreamed,fantasized about or the very least caught yourself  in a moment.That being said...buy a "real" motorcycle! It doesn't matter what make/model you end up with as long as its the "real thing". The whole motorcycle in a briefcase is great...IN EUROPE! Who don't want to be considered a 'hipster' or "cutting edge". I enjoy it like the next man, but in this world "you don't get a second chance to make a 1st impression".Sooo, NO! to the mountain bike with a motor attached so you can save gas or WHATEVER! Save your dignity mann!!! stop riding pass the kids in your neighborhood as they throw rocks at your helmet when you 'scoot' down the road grinnin'. Dude...grab'em...own'em...be a man, Millennium Man out!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Watch your Language

Lose the one liners gentlemen. These my seriously "out of touch" friends, are as outdated as leg warmers and mini skirts(circa 1980's) but alas, it seems those too are on the come back trail. No one appreciates the mental capacity to come up with brilliant 'oneliners' all by your lonesome(or the Internet) than WOMEN...but!(there's always a but)No one hates the vile,repugnant remarks coming from your "pie hole" like the WOMEN that you are trying to impress. This is "NOT" the time to be kewl(cool) for the homies...You might find yourself...... by yourself! something to chew on!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Stay In Your Lane...(Play your position)

My suggestion is for you to pay close attention fellas...Step your 'knowledge' of women up..#1.know how to talk without the use of slang or cursing in a minimum of three sentences... No Exceptions! you're grown next subject.#2. Understand YOUR budget when dealing with the opposite sex!(repeat this to yourself as many times as needed) "NOT" knowing will only get you embarrassed, facebook, and tweeted about...while you're pissed!!! you got "played". Understand it happens to all of us. Just acknowledge it, learn from it and get over it. U! may not drive the hottesst "whip" or have entertainer money, but if you're working or moving in a positive direction?....mannn I've heard whispered in the small corners of the world...(by Monks..oooorrr somethin') that women( not girls) tend to like men...not cornballs... to be themselves....I'm just sayin..

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Grown men do"NOT" have sleepovers..

Wow! the fact that I'm addressing a situation concerning sleepovers and grown a** men like the "Ya Ya sisterhood of traveling pants" is ridiculous. Women and kids should be the only ones using this terminology and the only ones doing this at all. As a man if you sleep at 'yo boyz' crib because you're tired,drunk or just crashin' to crash. please leave it at that..A sleepover homeboy?...a sleepover?!? Those words may not come out of your mouth without an immediate and swift reaction of anyone in earshot.Expect a slew of perplexing looks aimed in your direction commonly known as the'GASFACE',THE STINK EYE or a simple YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! Own your manhood gents, without the baby talk....p.s. no swapping clothes after highschool...ehh.. for the slower developers college, after that...get a clue or buy a vowel...whatever man..

Age appropriate kewl(cool) clothing

This topic is not to discourage those fashion MAVENS! savvy enough to put a lil bit of this with that.Or pull together an amazing creation(almost Macguyverlike....circa 90's.... look it up saplings) with little more than accessories and ta-daaa!! a new look classic,effortless and cool! not you. keep up the good work and you know who you are. Specifically I'm referring to those that believe the rules of fit and color does not apply to them. Understanding your limitations is alot like admitting you're an addict and need help.There is nothing wrong with keeping everyone guessing your age.but when your physical appearance is in one decade and you clothing are a mix of decades past/present and future because you had a wild hair to 'Coordinate'... stop! looking in the only mirror in the house that agrees with you...get help.

Please..... do "NOT" confuse yourself, she knows EXACTLY what she wants...

Let's play a game, ask a woman.... ANY WOMAN!!! what she wants to eat? You may get some inaudible sounds of mumbling and then she's going to say "it doesn't matter whatever you want",with that little cute smirk and those pretty doe eyes. You will make a 'stooopid' decision and pick something. This would be a mistake..as soon as you suggest something she will politely say "Oh Hale NO!!!anything but that. Then you will do it again as if you are stuck on 'stooopid' and once again she will politely SHUT YOU DOWN! Always remember the #1 rule.. it's not always about you, annnnd she knows EXACTLY what she wants most of the time and hoping you pick it, best case scenario...just humor her and go back n forth with her until she tells you what she wants!

Friday, January 21, 2011

# 1 Rule for Texting and Dating...Man up!

I'd like to say I thought of this all by myself but I cannot. A close friend of mine begged me to mention this.Yes, we are in the digital age and I do understand technology rules...BUT some things need to remain unchanged like chivalry!If you are dating,"kickin it" or going out...whatever popular term for being involved. I'm NOT talking to you.I'm talking to those LAZY guys who don't understand why they are still home alone... all alone with "Rosie palm" on the weekends.Why o'why are you sending TXT messages to the woman you are "trying" to go out with..huh?!? I had to scratch my head...let me chew on that.Ok ok I'm good now. "GIT" and I do mean "git" your lazy a** up and ASK  the girl out the ole fashion way. This is not up for debate.Stop it already! like you don't know(this isn't Idol) either go hard or go home.Stop being a CORNBALL....

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Coffee or...I'm lost?

Wait...wait...WAIT-AMINUTE! Closer... you need to hear this friend.I don't want to say this too loud, but err...umm you might wanna leave the super fruity fresh n tooty with WHIP! to your lady friends. If for some reason you just wanna go HAM!order an occasional macchiato/espresso/Teas and lattes are nice. KILL THE WHIPCREAM! as a matter of fact KILL THE WHIP on all the drinks.If all else fails, your ole trusty...coffee... grande won't let you down. Leave the whip for professional use...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Ebonics in the "Workplace"

Uhhmm yeah, can you say that again...In ENGLISH! Sorry, but this is suppose to hurt. The "gobbage"  stops here!There's a point when you want to be acknowledged and therefore treated as a man.Leave the 'special sauce,lettuce,cheese' between you and your friends.When speaking to ADULTS!!!!! in an adult setting or professional environment(this is an oldie but a goodie) less is more...and let's be real, once it (ebonics) make it into corporate america, the word or action becomes corny! And the person saying it is viewed as a 'cornball'.
We don't get jiggy,wit bling bling.(never did) No, every answer is not 4shizzle my nizzle..please please correct those who know not what they do.Aiight son!!!

I Double Dog(The Bounty Hunter?)dare you!?!?!

Let's get it straight. There was a saying when I was a "lil dude" growin up."Recognize a *****when you see'm in the street!Dog The Bounty Hunter is a G!...A Pimp, A Playa,A 5 STAR GENT... no seriously ,Not another man better dare! be caught....STRUTTIN....In broad daylight with a Blonde Mullett,an Illegally tight shirt UNBUTTONED!nahh HALE NAW! unbuttoned down to his navel and ALWAYS.... rockin the hottest frames.Last but not least "ALAWAYZ STRAPPED WHEN HE HIT THE CLUB".Duuuuuddee you da'MAN, It's your WORLD! NOT!!!FOR ANOTHER MAN TO ATTEMPT WITHOUT SERIOUS COUNSEL ....and that's all I have to say about thaaat...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Bathroom Etiquette

This a strange subject to address but it needs to be addressed all the same. The bathroom for me and most men that I've talked to for the most part has remained unchanged, and I have to say I like that! Less is definitely more in this case. Aside from the "bathroom Nazi" or the "spray pimp" with the cologne bottle inside the bathroom at your upscale club. The bathroom is a place of a small bit of quiet time. Maybe not for long, but it  may be all you have to get you thru that date,your kids tantrums or your significant other,just to catch your breath! What I'm finding is the alarming rate at which there is a NEED to hold a conversation while on the toilet on the phone!?! Are you kidding me! not hold on a second, let me call you back in ten minutes...NO? It's that important to talk about whats for dinner, or what club you wanna meet up at while you are taking a SH**! In a public bathroom. In private we all do what we do,but if you really want to get in-touch with your feminine side...you're #1 with a bullet. This is the men's room gentlemen, if you walked into wrong one the "chatty cathy" i.e. WOMENS restroom is next door and we do accept your apology. If this is you...I got nothin but the blank mother stare!

Don't be afraid to Accessorizze!

How to accessorize is up to you the consumer, but be aware that you may add taste or deliberately sabotage your own outfit! Again this a topic where less is more.
1. Jewelry: Yeah, let's get into it. This the era of BLING, and everyone either has a lil bit of it or want some(even our pets). You want to at least LOOK believeable to the untrained eye.If you are not in Athlete/entertainer money territory, why walk around with cubic zirconias,moissonite, or glass the size of KNUCKLES... I mean really,I guess that's what hot in the streets right now?!? NOT!
2.Hats: I LOVE'EM simply put. Apparently so does America. Theres a million places to find a nice "brim". Internet, consignment shops and plenty of stores. I'm a firm believer you can never have too many, but you really don't need to wear one everyday. Just when you want to drive that point home or a bad haircut/hairday. There are a lot of accessories to consider so try it!

Manicure/Pedicure

You're going to be a professional at some point in your life face it. So, this a no brainer of sorts but still needs to be addressed. NO polish of any sorts! Au natural is good enough along with your own natural oils are plenty and buff...

The Beiber/Brady

I love this hairstyle for teens or Abercrombie and Fitch models that are actively working. If you're in college(under 25) you can also wear this hairstyle... Stop! After that you have to get a bit more serious about your look. Brady(Tom) has an exception to this rule Only:
a. He has a Super Model wife that dresses him and approves of his look before he steps out.
b. She's a Super Model....c. He married a Super Model! so he gets a pass for his fashion faux paus removed from his record and collect 200.00(until divorce/death).Everyone else in their mid-twenties and do not fit into any of the before mentioned categories.GET A HAIRCUT!You look like some "old dude wearing a "SMEDIUM" t-shirt, trying to teach me how to  Dougie!!!!with Crows feet when you smile..hell a Crows nest.C'MON MAN! tighten up....

Braids

 
Aww sooki sooki now! Braids and male pattern Baldness is an oxymoron... at best! I tend to view these people as working with 1/2 a deck,so I use 1/2 the word oxy-MORON to explain them(that's just me though).For those who don't know what male pattern baldness is, hopefully you don't have braids. If your hairline is in remission, on detention or reversed coordinates, thats a GREAT indication it's time to let it go playboy...time to lean back.One more thing Grey braids on a man is repugnant..."on on to the next"'.

Socks and Sandals

 
I too have ashy feet...I do not have the most attractive feet...Ok now thats out of the way let's get started.  This look is really only accepted with athletic wear...noticed I stopped! There's not a lot of debate about wearing flip-flops and socks occasionally, but sandals and socks anywhere is clownish. If you're looking to make a statement why yessir you have...you look like a clown. Don't be him

Skinnies...

 

I understand fashion and trends as well as most. I can't for the life of me watch a grown man with jeans on so tight that women ask you how you did it, "The standing,pulling and jumping method" or "The lying flat on your back while tugging belt loops, and a hanger pulling the zipper up so you can button method".Suffice it to say they ARE as curious as every male you pass.This is another no-brainer, at some point you've passed the aged of recklessness.If you start smelling something roasting or boiling it's probably your lil' "buddies"......now all you need is zzzatarans!  

Eyebrow Maintenance

 

No Unibrows period! No unruly or thick cartoonish brows that you would find on a puppet. I've started to see a disturbing trend , unless you are some sort of performer..i.e..stage, model or lead singer in a 90's Rock band...NO eyeliner,fake eyelashes,fake moles and absolutely NO sculpting or threading. If you are competing with your lady or ANY woman for best looking eyebrows....cuzz you mite want to relax a bit

Jewelry and Suits

I really can't remember where it all went wrong. Yes, we are all individuals with personal style, but this has become an epidemic. I too am a child of Hip-Hop so I can only go back so far. I first started recognizing this trend of wearing a nice suit then drape a gaudy necklace or necklaces in general over the top of an aesthetically eye catching suit. Now it becomes tacky! You can wear your jewelry everyday. Most of us don't wear a suit daily, so the few times a year that you put one on save the necklaces. A. you look like a pimp...B. A tacky pimp at best,grow up! If you should happen to put one on at least know or yeah I'm going to say it LEARN how to wear one.

Tat..Tat...Tatted UP!

You put a tattoo where? Tattoos are very special to me. I think I'm like most people and put a little time and effort in finding something to etch into my skin. I truely enjoy the beautiful artwork,Ideas and religious creations that go into them. This isn't about the love of tattoos though, this about the where? Your body is a canvas of empty places,so why your face? Unless you are writing(not planning on it) but right now writing your own checks, at some point in your life you will probably work for someone else other than your MOTHER! As you know we all have faces our own mother could love. Brace yourself I know you stumbled and spilled your Caramel Macchiato(mak-i-ato) but a tattoo on your face in this economy is vitually career suicide. Yesss, I know you wanna show your inner "gangsta" trust and believe these are soon becoming regrettable decisions as you enter Manhood! Scary as he** for some of you but thats the name of the game...men 1st and Millennium Men hopefully. Entertainers are just that entertainers! It may be here today and gone by next photo shoot. They have the money and resources at their disposal, so next time you want to "Rep your cityyy" that's great....just not on your face>>

The Shake Weight

I mean really? Stop playn, you're serious? I have no clue as to why a grown a** man needs help pleasuring himself in the presence of other men for the sake of getting "guns of steel",then call it working out!?! Oh I get it, in the commercial you see the actor with both his hands on the weight, instead of one of your arms getting unusually ripped. This is simple guys, In the era of must see t.v. and big brother always watchin, this is an item that should be left behind closed doors AT HOME. I'm all for working out and having the "gun show" on display. With that said everything does not need to be on full display i.e..masturbating...excuse me shaking the weight in your face. I'm not going to say NO to this one but I am going to adamantly suggest not in public. Please keep this obvious attempt to promote a youtube video goin viral and YOU being the target. If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything, ever heard of that? Unless you are getting paid to endorse like an athlete, use your head for more than something to put the newest "fitted" baseball cap on.

Lip service and a side of Pearly Whites!

 
Ahhh Lips,truely one of lifes' most beautiful gifts. Some skinny, some FULL and even FLUFFY . We lick them excessively and obviously lick them to draw attention to ourselves.Trying to look suave and debonair for the l-a-d-i-e-s! but we don't always take care of our "soup coolers". I'm sooo tired of the opposite sex stopping me or commenting on the nice looking guy with teeth like a jackal... lips that shouldn't be seen in public, let alone kissing anyone ANYWHERE! SPOILER ALERT...super wet lips, Churches chicken lips or whatever you are using to make your lips extra shiny is a NO GO! plain and simple... you look suspect.Ok, now having chapped bottle openers aren't the trick either. Sad to say you have to find a happy medium between extra crispy and spicy.If you smoke carry chapstick, anything there's  no excuse.Alas not all of us have money for veneers or cosmetic dental surgery,but if you are considering yourself a GROWN A** Man you may want to take note. If you've been out of school(middle,high or college) at least 10yrs and have been successfully working the whole time and managed to attain a few cars,rims  and jewelry while living at your girlfriends or in your moms' basement.FIX YO GRILL...don't you go another day with your mouth looking like you been biting bricks!Prioritize, it's time to step your game up a 'smidge'! Buying all those shiny baubles for girlfriends that you possibly won't have in your 30's.Do something for yourself that may last you a lifetime.Just covering them up with gold and jewels will only make it worse. SORRY!

Hairline

 

 Wow!! did he really just go there?...We are in a recession right? I mean.... don't we have enough to talk about with jobs and economy in the crapper?!? Why yes, yes we do, but I digress.... why have a Christmas wreath of hair growing along the sides of your head like a half eaten sausage... with an airstrip down the center WHAT! Especially in todays society where BALD is beautiful. Even if you didn't choose to go the bald rout, there are still a few hair restoration places that seem to do great work. In any event!!! keep it buzzed low! It will give you a little edge, not so Ron Howard(Opie from happy days). Instead of letting it get you down attack it! You don't want to be the one with a "fresh" haircut and a hairline backed up like traffic....smilin! cheesin! all 32's glowin and stop combing that wispy two or three pieces over that bald spot like its going to make a difference,it's stillll there, now worse.It's nothing wrong with gravity taken over at some point, but by alll means with STYLE AND GRACE..

Who are you kidding...MAN?

The reason why I posed this topic as a question is simple. Theres another ongoing trend that I've seen, read and heard that needs a response. Other than manicure I don't see the need to add/replace a word with "man"to make it sound or feel masculine. This a case for the new/old catch phrase "It is...What it is". Sandals are just that, not Mandals. Eyeliner(don't ask, once again I got nothin) is just that, not Man-liner! A purse is a Murse? Whaaat?!? Just stop it already with the name calling. If you aren't comfortable enough to be doing whatever you're doing without changing the name, so IT and ultimately YOU can be accepted, then you shouldn't be doin it. My question is what has changed in the last 50yrs that we have to start renaming items in the Millennium? One would think the narrow mindedness of years past would have gave way to the broad scope of future progressions. Such is life, the answer to that question... resounding NO! The fact we are technologically advanced and put people on the moon(supposedly). I constantly see advertisements for Real men wear pink. The fact that we've progressed in some areas but still have to validate being manly enough to wear a color! Listen we're in the Millennium and you are a man period. If you need your passport stamped for approval, let someone know. Otherwise a purse is still a purse, and eyeliner is definitely still eyeliner, Sad to say people are still people...and they do judge, so MAN UP!

Saggin' Jeans

I too enjoy a slight sag in my jeans from time to time depending on the jeans"caution" if this offends you, I'm not talking to you. I'm referring to grown a** men that view themselves as such(at the very least out of puberty). If you are out of your teens saggin' "skinnies" with your STANK butt fully exposed...uhhh not cute,fine or whatever phrase you want to use.This comes directly from the opposite sex(women) so please, don't shoot the messenger.Sorry the truth hurts, but you look like you s*** on yourself.